Descriptive Writing

At the moment in class we have been working on descriptive writing. We have been using pictures to give us ideas of what to write about. Here is piece of writing I did.

Click here for a link to the original work.

Lochie

“Mum,” I scream! “Daaaad,” I start to cry. “ROAR!” A loud searing sound
enters my brain. My 8 year old voice screams even louder.
I couldn’t believe that this had happened and that my parents were dead!
A gigantic Brachiosaurus dinosaur with red and blue skin gallops as it wrestles
through the thick tangle of ferns. He starts licking my blue shirt shoulder.

Hi I’m Sasha and last year my parents sadly died in a car crash. Their car had
gone off track and we were deep in the bush when a thick branch fell on my
mum and dad in the car. They were dead immediately. I think that the world

has not seen a dinosaur before because I think they didn’t know what
humans were. Lochie had lived deep in the bush unfound until he
heard my cries of help. Lochie saved me. I now live in camouflaging
bush with my bright coloured Brachiosaurus dinosaur, Lochie.
I ride Lochie to our awesome school and hide him in the mysterious school
shed. I lie at my school, Eiznekcam, because if my teacher knew I lived in the
bush they would tell the police and the police would put me in a stinky old
home. Our school has only whā tekau mā rua (42) pupils and
rua (two) classes.  I am so excited because on Friday our school has pet day.
I know that the class, Miss Tirie and the teacher aid,
Miss Take will love Lochie.

As I walk Lochie to school, my whole body is tied in knots.
Maybe I am wrong about bringing him to school.
But a voice in my head starts telling me to do it.
Lochie is frightened of our school because it has one bright red class room,
a bright orange library, a yellow staff room, a green classroom and a blue tech
room. They are so bright and he is scared of bright colours!
 I hikoi (walk) to school and Lochie can’t fit in the door of my classroom.
I whisper to Lochie to stay where he is. I sprint as fast as a pronghorn
antelope (very fast). I tell Miss Tirie that my pet can not fit in the door.
A few kids in our bright coloured school tops are peering at me.
I say to Miss Tirie, “Can I show you him?”
She walks out with me and her face contorted into a shrieking figure.
She screams so loud that the glass of her glasses shatters.
Everybody runs away and Miss Tirie pushes the emergency button.
Everybody runs out of the school. Lochie starts crying and
I try to comfort him but his whole body is shaking.

I encourage Miss Tirie to come see him again. I tell her he is friendly.
She slowly tiptoes up to Lochie and I tell her to stroke him.
She gently lifts her hand up to stroke him. She says, “
His skin is as scaly as a large fish,” I ask her if she wants a ride on him.
She says that she doesn’t! All the other kids ask if they can though.
Miss Take says she will try it first to make sure it is safe.
I give her a boost and she hops on lopsidedly and I walk
Lochie around. Lochie gives a roar of approval.
I whisper to Lochie ”Well done,”.